In high school, the one steadfast person in my life, my mom, encouraged me to be something more. As much as I rebelled against my parents, my mother’s vision for something better fueled my hope and I held tightly to her vision. But like so many of you, I wanted more for my life but did not think I was smart enough or good enough to go for the more.
You see, someone destroyed the value of my life. Like so many other women, pain’s harsh flavor entered my palate by age three. It all started with an unwelcomed touch.
Touch is such a powerful sense. With it, we create trust or destroy it. We build up people or crush their spirit. It is the physical boundary between body and soul. The earlier it is misused the worse its effects. Like many of you, my boundaries were broken before I knew I had any. The sense of “I” that I was just beginning to develop became diluted into another person’s perverted desires. Predator’s actions say to their victims, “You are open to attack. You exist form my pleasure. Your pain is irrelevant…you are irrelevant.” Abuse is one of the cruelest meals a person can serve a child.
Funny thing about victims, a person takes away our self-worth and then we spend the rest of our lives looking for others to bring it back. I did just that when I let an overachieving boyfriend set the standard for what success looked like. He was fractured like me, but his pain manifested as perfection and performance. Little did I know he was excelling to escape his hateful father and a scholarship was his meal ticket out. He told me I was smart and that I needed to go to college to be somebody. I loved the idea of being somebody since I had been nobody for so long. I turned my grades around in one year and headed to college the next fall.
The busyness of academic life turned into my all-you-can-eat buffet for silencing pain when I discovered that praise could replace self-destruction as my new addiction. The poison of perfection and performance started to sink in. For the next sixteen years, I switched between being a show pony for praise or a racehorse for competition. By the time I reached my early thirties in 2000, my career track had left me wrung out.
Maybe you can relate to part or all of my story. The pain of abuse goes deep and expresses itself in many destructive ways. But pain is not the end of our taste of life. We can sense something better that will draw us from our pain like bacon and coffee can a tired ranch hand from a cozy bed.
That is love.
The aroma of love is powerful enough to not only take our mind’s eyes off our past, but can draw out bitter wounds and make us whole again. This is not theoretical love either; I experience it daily. The One who is love lavishes such healing on all who ask.
I encourage you today, if you have hidden wounds that no one sees, but you feel, pursue the authentic scent of love until you experience it. Don’t know what that smell is? It’s restoration. Follow that and you will run smack into love.
That's all for this week.
Remember you are priceless & powerful,
Wholeness Living Thought Leader
Wholeness Living Thought Leader