When You Are Not OK


It goes something like this. "Hey, Sally, I heard so-and-so died. I'm sorry. Are you all right?"
Sally puts on her best mask and says, "Yeah, I'm ok."
We are used to hiding what is really going on in our hearts and answering, "I'm ok."
But what if you are not ok? Do you ever look in the mirror and say you're not?
It's all right if you don't. We don't get many places where it is safe enough to let our guard down. I let my guard down and something amazing came out.
Recently I went on a spiritual retreat with my husband. At one point I asked a business woman to pray with me. I wanted her to rescue me from what I was feeling -- a swirl of negative emotions. She did something powerful. She asked me exactly what I wanted her to help me with. She did not just jump in and put a spiritual band aid on me.
I told her I was tired of years of rejection from mentors and helpers. She kept asking, "But what specifically do you want me to pray with you?" Finally my real problem came down to I did not celebrate who I was. I liked what I carried, but I did not see my pioneering spirit as a good thing, but rather something to be tolerated or endured.
In the end, she did not pray with me but agreed with me that my uniqueness was something to celebrate; something that people needed. It was a wonderful moment because I gave myself permission to love the deepest part of me.
As I have been home processing this shift, I realized underneath all of this was a loud, "I am NOT ok." Like so many of you, a lot of things have changed for me in the last few years. I shifted with them in an effort to keep up. But in order to keep up with all the change, somewhere I stopped being me on certain levels. Truth was I was not ok.
The list of things I am not ok with is long; it includes politics, moral decay, relationship loss, religious coldness, and terrorism. Events get thrown at us so fast nowadays that we don't process all the pain of it. My need for rest and downtime is at an all time high, for good reason. A sense of powerlessness rises up when pain is not dealt with in a healthy way. We find ourselves looking for a savior. I was looking for a prayer savior. Some are looking for a political savior, a relational savior, or an alcoholic savior.
Powerlessness is a lie and ultimately we end up internalizing it and hating ourselves. We were never meant to feel small or live small. We are designed for greatness and solutions. We are hard wired to be part of the world's solutions, not to merely be a spectator to darkness' actions.
When we can say, "I'm not ok," or "This is not ok," we open the door to processing pain and finding solutions. I firmly believe everyone has a seed of greatness in them that is designed to alleviate suffering. When we accept we are part of the answer to the world's problems, grief will move us to positive actions. It is the antidote to withdrawing, withholding, and rejecting people. It is the antidote to not liking who we are.
Problems have arisen in every generation in history. Thousands look at the same problem, but their reactions are different. Many circle the wagons to wait it out until a savior comes. Some turn to diversion and distraction and pretend it's all right. Others turn to violence and destruction. Still others tighten their saddle straps and move in deeper because they are not ok with what they are seeing. It is the ones who say, "I'm not ok with this," that process their grief and move into a being a solution. I'm praying that you are one of these people.
Be courageous, my friend, the world needs who you are. 

That's all for this week.
Remember you are priceless & powerful,

Dr. Jane smiling
Dr. Jane
Wholeness Living Thought Leader